There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time this was happening to me. I had been in Vietnam for about four months and was getting acquainted with all of the drugs that were available there. I had only smoked pot a couple of times before going to Vietnam and had dropped LSD once, so I was pretty much a beginner in the whole drug scene. It wasn't long though before I was becoming a frequent user of marijuana, LSD, amphetamines and even heroin. I was really enjoying my life even though I was still in the Army. After being raised in what I perceived to be confining Christian environment (although now I am very thankful for it), I felt like I was experiencing real freedom for the first time in my life. I was really enjoying myself and the new friends I was making, who were also heavily involved in drugs. As I look back now, I was so naive concerning all of these things and the drugs. It's a wonder I'm still alive. I honestly believe that God was looking after me and He saw the direction my life was going and He decided enough was enough! He decided it was time for the rock to come crashing down on me and that is exactly what happened!
The experience with the convulsions woke me up. It made me start to realize that I was going too far and getting too reckless with the drugs, so I stopped doing everything except smoking pot. Little did I know that I had become mildly addicted to heroin? It had actually been a couple of days since I had used any heroin, because I wasn't at the place where my body craved it constantly. As I came back from the dispensary that night after getting the depressants, I got into my bunk and tried to go to sleep, but my mind was wide awake. Unbeknowingly, I was beginning to go through mild withdrawal symptoms from the heroin and could not sleep. So once again I began to pray. I was getting more petrified all the time as I kept thinking back about the convulsions I had gone through earlier in the day. As I began to pray, I began to see my whole life flash before me. God was showing me how He had been with me at each stage of my life from my very earliest memories. It was an amazing thing! I was experiencing a vision from God. There were so many things that He showed me in that vision which I can't really get into now, but as the vision did progress He took me into the future and showed me the calling that He had for my life. It was something that was so indelibly stamped upon my soul that I could never shake it in the three years that followed.
During the next three months, I was a nervous wreck. The experience with the convulsions and the vision that followed caused me to begin to reexamine everything I had been doing. At times it seemed like my mind had completely blown up. It was as if it had been shattered into a thousand different pieces and now I had to try and put them all back together. I remember the night of the vision saying to God as He was revealing the calling He had for my life, "Yes, I will allow You to work Your will in my life, but You will have to take it slow and easy." I wasn't ready to tackle it all at once.
One day several months after this had happened, I was prompted to pick up one of the New Testaments that I had placed in my wall locker when I first arrived in Vietnam. My mother had given me a New Testament in the Living Bible before leaving home and a friend of our family had given me a New Testament that had belonged to her son, who had been killed in Vietnam. So I had both of these New Testaments in my locker which I had not bothered to look at since arriving in Vietnam.
As I went to my place of work that day, I pulled out the New Testament and began to read it. To my surprise, one of my buddies had also brought a Testament with him and we both began to read together. From that point on, lots of wonderful things began to happen with our group of friends. Everyone started getting interested in the Bible and Jesus although none of us really knew what we were getting into. We would sit around and smoke pot and read our Bibles and tell everyone about the wonderful things Jesus was doing in our lives. As I think back on those days, I am continually amazed at the grace of God, because we were really getting into Jesus, but we were still in our sins, not willing to repent of certain things we were doing. Our spiritual senses were being awakened, but I doubt whether any of us were really saved at that juncture in our lives.
This was a very peaceful and happy time in my life as I began my search for spiritual truth. Even though I had been raised in a Christian family, I don't think I was ever really born again as a child. I spent the remainder of my tour learning about the Bible and Jesus, but still unwilling to come to a complete repentance in my life.
For the next three years, upon returning home from Vietnam and reentering civilian life, I was not ready yet to completely settle down and become a Christian, although I knew I probably would someday. During these three years I worked at a number of jobs and continued to use drugs, mostly pot and LSD. I was really empty inside. I knew I was losing what I had begun to find while in Vietnam, but I was stubborn and unwilling to repent. These were actually the three most miserable years of my life as I was having a real difficult time fitting in anywhere.
I finally got fed up with everything and put a pack on my back and began to hitchhike around the country. This was really exciting for awhile as I covered most of the United States and Canada in a year simply by hitchhiking and riding freight trains. I have lots of stories I could tell you about this period of my life, but what I want to say is that I was still carrying the vision and the calling the Lord had given to me and trying to fit it into everything I was doing, but continually coming up empty. It was like having a piece to a puzzle, but not finding the right puzzle to fit it into. I had even begun to look into some of the eastern religions and metaphysics. I had also been introduced to the books by Carlos Casanada on the teachings of Don Juan. I found these books highly interesting as they were about the peyote religion. I actually got quite caught up in all of this and found myself getting more and more separated from reality and not even being able to recognize what reality was anymore. I was now thoroughly lost in my mind.
After almost a year of non-stop hitchhiking and riding freight trains I had finally had enough of it. I had now hitchhiked to the East coast and back and then to Arizona where I met up with someone with whom I continued to travel for the next several months. He knew all the ropes, so I was more than happy to take up with him. We traveled back and forth across the southern United States a couple of times during the winter months, stopping at places like New Orleans, Key West, Florida, LA., and Houston, Texas. We were in Canada when we finally had enough of each other's company. After separating, I was in Toronto alone staying at a YMCA, when I made the decision to return to my parent's home in Washington where I had grown up.
For the next few months after returning home, I more or less secluded myself from what friends I did have. I really didn't have too many, because I had not been around enough in the last few years to make very many. This was a very difficult time for me, because I didn't fit in anywhere and I was very confused in my mind as to what I believed. I had been exposed to so many different things in the last year or so that I didn't know what to believe anymore. I was really taken up with Edgar Caycee and also with the teachings of Don Juan, but these teachings didn't seem to be offering me any kind of purpose to my life. At the same time there was still a gnawing hunger inside of me to get back into the Bible and Jesus, but I was stubbornly refusing to.
Then one Sunday morning in March of 1974, something dramatic happened to me that began to point me in the right direction. My brother and his wife had started going to the same church that my parents were going to, the same one that I went to during my childhood. On this particular Sunday, they were going to have their little girl dedicated to the Lord, whom I was very fond of, and everyone wanted me to go with them. How could I refuse! I had actually desired to go to church, but was too proud to admit it. As it turned out, I did go to church that Sunday and have never been the same since! At the end of the service the pastor gave an altar call and before I realized what I was doing, I found myself going forward in response to the prodding of the Holy Spirit. I was totally under the power and influence of the Holy Spirit. It seemed as though I had no resistance whatsoever. I totally surrendered my life to the Lord Jesus Christ on that Sunday morning in March of 1974 and I have been walking with the Lord consistently ever since.
I can honestly say that since that momentous morning in March of 1974 that I have been fulfilled in every way. My life is no longer in a state of confusion and turmoil, but rather filled with His peace, joy and happiness. I have found a real purpose in life and believe that I am on the road to fulfilling God's purpose and destiny for my life. His purpose is continually unfolding as I yield to His working in my life.
As I look back over the years that I have been following Jesus, I am amazed at how God has directed my life at each interval to achieve His overall purpose and destiny for my life. I have found out that it is only by the grace of God that we are what we are. When we turn our lives over to Him in complete submission, He is able to bring us into that place of rest and security in Him. I have come to realize that what the "Psalmist" wrote in Psalm 16:11 is so applicapable to our lives where he said, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is the fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
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